Back in black.

When I bought my iPhone 5 on launch day, I opted for the slate/black model. I used it for a few months until I got a white iPad mini. At that point, I began obsessing over having a white iPhone, which I had never owned. The QA department needed a 5 for testing, so I threw my black one in the pool and got myself a white 5. I was so over black. Ugh.

I adored it. Together with the mini, they were the perfect couple. I named it Storm Shadow (the mini was, of course, Storm Shadow XL). We began a meaningful relationship, the three of us.

Then the iPhone 5s shipped, with its slightly modified grey back plating. And I looked askance. I also didn’t upgrade, so I wasn’t even considering either one really. But a few people at work got them, and I took a look. Still felt weird to me. I was in White Phone Land.

Naturally, I began obsessing over this as severely, because evidently my life, though full of adult responsibility and legitimate stress, had a few cognitive gaps in it that I was able to fill with this inane thought exercise. Not really wanting to spend the money on a 5s to test my theory that I truly loved black, I decided to pull my old phone out of QA and put the white one in. Restored from iCloud and I was up in less than an hour.

I now believe that despite iOS 7’s lighter tones, the black devices (phones specifically) are truly superior in their hardware aesthetics. On the iPhone, the screen disappears entirely from most angles, leaving you with a formidable black monolith, which when lit looks very close to Ed Dillinger’s desk in the original Tron. Naturally, coming to this realization this week made me positively giddy, and I hereby renounce all allegiance to my former white phone, which for all I care can be devoured by wolves.

The iPad mini still looks better in white, though. Feel free to good-naturedly argue about this and all previous claims with me on the internet.

Oh – and the black phone’s name? Snake Eyes, of course.

Author: Seth Clifford

I'm here for the open bar.